Sometimes people ask me – Shamus, why are your horror stories only two sentences long? I tell them: two sentences is all I need...
I opened the closet to get my favourite shirt. Then the monster in there bit my head off!
Mike would always laugh when anyone said he should wear a cycle helmet. Then one day, as he was riding along the road, a lorry ran over both his legs.
I had lived alone in the house for years. Then I realised a ghost lived there as well!
I complained to the hotel manager that the creepy clown portrait on my wall was stopping me from sleeping. ‘Oh, that’s not a portrait,’ he replied, ‘it’s a psychotic killer staring through the special window I had built for him.’
He seduced me, sank his fangs into my neck and drank my blood. Then I noticed he had no reflection – he was a vampire!
I went to the cabin to get away from things and clear my head.
Instead I went completely insane.
By day, Kevin Jones was an accountant. He was also a werewolf!
The date had gone well and we ended up back at her place. That was when my penis decided to kill us both.
When I had trouble sleeping, I would sometimes look out the window at an old doll that was lying abandoned in the garden. Then one day it waved at me and I realised it was actually the ghost of that little girl I'd run over with my car.
They were the last two pandas left in the world. It was such a shame they could only survive by drinking human blood!
I was too scared to go into the basement. I was afraid there might be something down there.
The rock concert was amazing and everyone was having a great time. That is, until people's heads started falling off!
I was afraid he was a robot from the future sent to kill me. It turned out he was.
The jungle expedition to the ancient temple was going well. Then, one night, everyone was killed by an ancient race of half-human, half-monkeys!
Marianne seemed upset when she met me for our second date, so I asked her what was wrong. ‘You said we had a date last week,’ she replied, ‘but that’s impossible, because I’ve been dead for ten years.’