GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF DRINKING GAME
1. Drink whenever Sue or Mel make a shameless double entendre.
2. Whenever Mary eats cake with a cheeky side bite, drink out the back of your glass.
3. Drink whenever Paul places both fists on the counter and eyeballs the contestant with a glare that makes them question every life choice they've ever made.
4. Drink whenever Paul flirts with Mary.
5. Whenever Paul claims that the young female baker has potential, drink. Pull a face that says you're not sure he's talking about potential as a baker.
6. Drain your drink and eat whatever root veg you first find in the fridge if some bellend hipster tries to put courgette in their cake.
7. When they call 5 minutes on a task, squat in front of the telly like you're intently watching your oven.
8. Look around you. Do a shot for every wall you see bunting on. If you are the host and you haven't put up bunting, hang your head in shame and make everyone a fucking scone.
9. If a contestant cries, drain your glass.
10. If you cry because someone's buggered up their flan, leave the house. Go and live in a woodland area, surviving only on berries and your own piss until you man the fuck up.
11. If there are arguments about fridges chant 'Alaskagate!'; salute Ian, curse Diana Beard. That bitch Diana Beard. God you hate her with the fire of a thousand suns.
12. When a baker leaves the tent for good, raise a glass to them and drain it. Vow to make their signature bake in the morning. Then don't - you're not a mug.